Because I love you
by madian
Summary: Love can be very frustrating...how much more so if is the love between a human girl and a vagetarian vampire. Not easy. Especially when the vampire's siblings start plotting!
1. Wretched bikini

Love can be so very frustrating for a girl and a boy…let alone for a human girl and a vegetarian vampire.

All the characters in here do not belong to me; they are only Stephenie Meyer's and I am grateful she created them giving us all something to fantasize about.

Hope you'll like my very first attempt! Read and review, if you like! Thanks!

**BELLA'S POV**

"No, Alice! Absolutely not! There's no way I am ever going to wear this...this..." how on Earth could I call it? Not swimsuit, definitely. I had been staring at these two filmy pieces of cloth in my hands for a solid minute, before realising that they were actually what I was supposed to wear for our swimming afternoon. Alice had to be joking! She couldn't possibly believe I would wear that! After all, I had brought my blue Olympic swimsuit, which I was sure would serve me just as well.

"Oh, Bella, honey…You have a poor sense of fashion! Leave that to me. I am sure _somebody_ will appreciate it! - And with that she left me on my own, giggling and taking my old swimsuit with her. Then I heard her voice behind the closed door once again - Get changed…We are wasting time and you know how nervous Edward gets when he can't see you for more than five minutes!" More giggling.

I hated it when Alice used her visions against me…'_Somebody will appreciate that!_' Her words echoed in my head, as I looked at myself in the huge wall mirror for a second, holding the ridiculously small bikini in my hands and imagining myself wearing it. Was she revealing what she had seen already or was she simply guessing? Ugh!

What if Edward would really appreciate me like that? What if this could somehow distract him from his stubborn set of rules, the first one of which read: "Thou shall not force me into doing anything that might kill you!" which in his opinion seemed to include most physical forms of closeness?

I knew enough of Edward to feel confident he would not be moved that much from my appearance in nothing more than this bikini. He could be exceptionally stubborn and had an uncommonly strong self-control.

I was quite convinced that I did not remotely attract him 'that way' as much as he attracted me, no matter what he had claimed during the first night he had stayed with me.

After all, he was a Greek God and I was no more than a klutz girl of eighteen. He insisted on saying I was being ridiculous on that point, but he was not human and base instincts like sexual tension were probably almost above him, or at least easier to control.

It did not matter that I was desperately willing to take the risk or that I seemed barely able to breath anytime I was close to him because of my very own _thirst_ for him.

All of a sudden another flash came to my mind, something I had stupidly not considered before, too worried as I was about not embarrassing myself by drowning.

I would not be the only one in a swimsuit today. He would be in one too. His glorious body was not going to be over-dressed as usually, and all my speculations about the muscles of his hard body were going to become a piece of art for me to watch and admire. Or to drool upon, actually.

Holy crow…

Edward first rule seemed to be even more obnoxious than usual and certainly about to be shattered for the umpteenth time. Always by me.

Damn his self control and his Adonis body!!

I spent ten minutes in Alice's room, thinking and changing into her bikini. When I was ready, I couldn't even watch myself in the mirror. I felt so embarrassed and the blushing, which usually covered my cheeks only for seconds, menaced to last about a couple of weeks.

I slowly opened my eyes to face the mirrored image, which actually wasn't as scary as I thought. It surely did not help my blushing crisis, no matter how hard I tried to fit the too few amount of cloth to cover some more of my pale skin.

I guessed that there was nothing much I could do about it, though. Not with Alice foreseeing every damn move I made!

Plus, everybody was already waiting for me. I knew because Emmet ("Thanks, kid! I just won my bet with Edward that you would take longer than Alice!"), Jasper ("Bella? Are you alright in there?") and Alice herself ("Don't mind them, Bella! They don't know we take so much time because we want to make ourselves gorgeous for them!") had already knocked at the door.

I shivered slightly, then quickly wore my shorts and my faded, green t-shirt and breathed deeply one more time, before forcing myself out of the room.

When I opened the door, I found myself facing my whole world with an uplifted hand, evidently ready to take his turn in knocking, and a curious expression.

He chuckled and then flashed my favourite smile. "Sorry…Emmet was afraid that you were barricaded in the wardrobe! I am glad you aren't!"

I smiled back weakly in response, feeling my knees shaking. He looked simply shocking.

There was no way that that rule could hold today!

He was wearing a sleeveless blue shirt, which suited his pale skin perfectly (and showed off his strong arms…Oh gosh!), old jeans and a pair of flip-flops. Even his feet were perfect.

"Ready to go?" he then asked, bringing my hibernated mind back to Earth.

"Yeah, sure." I answered, feigning calmness. I was all but calm.

He grabbed my hand and smiled again, as if having me near him made him the proudest vampire in the whole world. I had to chuckle at that. The proudest was probably Rose, but she was out with Esme today. Which made it all so much simpler for me.

I could not have borne the comparison, even if Edward had made it perfectly clear that no such comparison could ever exist between me and his sister.

For me, though, it was hard already to have Alice to stand up to, but Rose had an explosive, sensual beauty, whereas Alice's was much more delicate.

As we walked to the back of the house to reach the swimming pool, I realised it was not as cold as I thought it would be. The sun was actually shining: this would have made my day once, but not today.

I knew what vampires looked like in the sunshine and therefore I was totally sure about my immediate drowning as soon as my eyes would catch Edward's frame under its rays.

I was in for a long afternoon.

**EDWARD****'S POV**

I could not believe it! Betrayed by my favourite sister of all people. She had to know how hard it was for me to keep my hands in check and look what she was having her wear of all things! I would have gone for some 19th-century-like, protective, unsexy, ankle-long swimsuit!

"Oh, Alice!" I muttered. Emmet and Jasper, obliviously nudging each other, ignored me.

I could see Bella's distraught face as she looked at the small bikini through my once beloved sister's eyes.

"No, Alice! Absolutely not! There's no way I am going to wear this…this…" a frown appeared on her delicate features and I very much felt like rushing to her side to make it better.

"Oh, Bella, honey…You have a poor sense of fashion! Leave that to me. I am sure _somebody_ will appreciate it! Get changed…We are wasting time and you know how nervous Edward gets when he can't see you for more than five minutes!" Now I felt very much like rushing to strangle Alice! If only that could have been possible!

I did not have to wait long to face her, though, because she appeared in the living room after a minute, still grinning.

'_Look at your face! Cheer up, bro…She is terrified already as it is!_' she thought.

"Wonder why that is!" I spitted out, with a scowl.

"Oh, come on, don't be mad, Edward…Her costume wasn't flattering at all! Don't you always say how poorly she sees herself? I guess it's about time for her to learn self-esteem!" she said, approaching me and placing a gentle hand onto my tense shoulder.

Emmet and Jasper stopped fighting and stared at us instead.

"Is she ready yet?" Emmet asked, impatience in his voice.

"Not yet, Em. Patience. A girl takes some time." Alice reminded him. Of all people, Emmet should know. Rosalie's amount of time spent in front of a mirror was ridiculous!

"Oh, man…I am bored! Can't she speed things up a little? If she takes as long as Rose…" he started.

"She won't!" I blurted out. I knew that. Any time I spent the night with her, which was every other night, actually, she only took minutes to change into her pyjamas. Still, that short time seemed like an eternity to me, without her, but that was not the point.

"Yeah! Sure…They are all the same, Ed! I bet she'll take more than 15 minutes! Longer than Alice!" Emmet insisted.

"Bet's on!" I replied, feeling somehow unsure. Bella's reaction to Alice's bikini wasn't encouraging. Still, I had to defend my princess.

I lost. I was starting to feel conscious. What if inviting her had been the worst idea ever? It now seemed so, after Alice's fashion brainwave. What if I could not keep my hands in place? What if my determination to keep her safe, no matter how badly I wanted her, shattered under my family's eyes? What if…

'_It's going to be fine, Edward…I have seen it. You love her. There's nothing wrong in what you feel. You know you wouldn't hurt her!_' Alice's voice was somehow guilty, but determined and calm.

Everybody seemed to be so sure about it. Everyone but me…It still was difficult for me to be by her side and keep my self-control. And it had nothing to do with her blood anymore. That thirst had long been silenced. It was another kind of thirst that menaced to undo me and I was not sure that I _could_, worse, that I _wanted_ to resist.

Completely drowning in my misery, I barely noticed Emmet, Jasper and Alice's attempts to take Bella out of her own stupor and out of the room.

'_Maybe you should go to her, Edward, before Emmet knocks the door down! We'll wait outside._' Alice warned me mentally.

I moved then, trying to control my own steps and emotions. What if she really did not want to come out? Why had I invited her today? Couldn't I just take her out for a walk or an ice-cream. I loved watching her eat, after all! Swimming afternoon…damn it!

I was in front of the door before even realising I had gone out of the living-room. I raised my hand to knock, still completely lost in my own thoughts, so lost that I barely listened to her opening the offending door in front of me.

Her face was something too mysterious to me still, her eyes my only glimmer into her world. Looking up at her, I felt for what had to be the umpteenth time the excruciating need to know what she was thinking.

She was simply standing there, watching me, in silence, as if she had never seen me before. So typically Bella!

I chuckled and smiled, trying to ease the looming tension. "Sorry… Emmet was afraid that you were barricaded in the wardrobe! I am glad you aren't!"

She blushed and looked down for what seemed like a year to me.

I could not stand there restless and silent. "Ready to go?" I asked, hoping that she was. I suddenly needed some air.

"Yeah, sure." Thank God.

I reached out for her hand instinctively and smiled in relief. I did this every time I could, not only for the ineffable feelings that her skin and touch awoke in me, but also because somehow I wanted her to know she was safe with me. Which of course was a big, fat lie…But since I could not stay apart from her anymore, I wanted my presence beside her to be exactly what she needed.

We silently headed to the back, where the warmed swimming pool was. I did not speak, but looked at her with such rapid eye movements that she could not possibly have noticed. She was simply perfect. As she did when she was sleeping, talking, eating…living, actually. How luckier could I get…

The green shirt seemed to be moulded onto her delicate frame and the shorts left her pale legs half-naked…I shivered, thinking about how much more that cursed bikini would have allowed me to see.

"Why are you doing this to me, Alice!" I whispered, sure that my sister only could have heard me.

'_Relax, Edward…Remember your love for her. She deserves you to let her breath a bit around you. You should not live this in fear. It's not going to last forever. Not in this form, I mean._'

"Thanks for reminding me Alice!" I scoffed quietly.

We reached the swimming pool, the others already playing ball in the water: it was then that a very wicked and sunray decided to touch what I felt mine. It played in her hair, turning them gingery; it lingered on her red, wet lips, making them even more inviting and on her body, warming it up, like I would have wanted to do…I felt a pang of jealousy for the sun, which was an evident sign that Bella had finally reached her subconscious goal. She had driven me insane.

"Oh, man…" I whispered. I was in for a very long afternoon.


	2. Remembering how to breathe

Here goes Chapter 2.

Thanks to all those who read the previous one and mean to stick with me. It's not going to be much longer, since it's my first fic...

Characters still not mine but Stephenie Meyer's.

**Chapter 2**

**BELLA'S POV**

'_Come on, Bella, you can totally do this!_' I mentally screamed at myself, hoping that somehow it would help me.

It didn't.

Edward had stopped in front of some sunbeds, lying in the garden, beside the pool.

"So, what do you think?" he asked, gesturing towards the swimming pool and the other guys who were already playing in the water. His voice seemed relaxed, yet somehow huskier than usual.

"Great…" I whispered with a grin. I would have wanted to start talking about my opinions on war and death-penalty, to postpone the wretched moment in which I would have had to strip off my clothes.

"You getting in, then? I promise I won't let you drown…or let Emmet try to do you in with one of his silly jokes." He was smiling his most crooked smile. To think that I was starting to somehow feel calmer…Didn't he notice how hard it was for me not to jump on him right now?

I nodded.

He then proceeded in removing his shirt. Suicidal, Edward…Too much of a good thing!

I let out a gasp "Ah!" and he looked at me, sudden panic in his eyes.

"Bella? Are you ok?"

I lowered my gaze immediately, blushing furiously, trying as hard as I could to avoid watching this sculpture of white marble, which would have had Michelangelo go pale with shame.

"I…yeah…I am ok." I swallowed with difficulty.

I felt his cold hand grab my chin, gently forcing me to raise my gaze. I closed my eyes, afraid to lose my control completely.

"Bella? Love, you are scaring me! - he whispered – What's wrong?"

"I…I am not sure this is a good idea." I stuttered.

He sighed and grabbed my shoulders, his cold touch making me shiver as always.

"You are not feeling well. I'll bring you back home, now!" he said, determinedly, releasing me and reaching out to grab his shirt, exactly when I decided to open my eyes.

"No wait! – I hurried to say. He stopped and faced me again – I am ok, I swear…It's just that…it's just…" I felt blood rushing to my cheeks.

He moved to me again, his hands now resting on each side of my heated face. "What? Tell me, please!" his tone was pleading and tortured. As he spoke, is chest muscles rippled. This was difficult!

"I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life! I know it's ridiculous, but I feel so self-conscious and inadequate. And then you look simply gorgeous and I wonder how on Earth I'll be able to remember how to breathe with you in front of my eyes, let alone swim…" words came out in a flow.

"Oh, Bella…" he laughed, shaking his head.

"I know, I know! I feel so stupid." I did.

He hugged me, pressing his toned body onto mine. My knees did not support me anymore and I felt grateful for his strong grip. "You delicious girl! – he whispered on my ears – I wish I could tell you that this is all unreasonable, that you can't be serious and that this is absurd, but I can't, because I am feeling exactly the same way. I have contemplated murdering Alice for what she is doing to us. I am also very much afraid that I won't be able to keep my hands in check."

"I am sure I won't be able to, Edward! I find it hard already when you have your clothes on, let alone when you are gloriously half-naked." He chuckled at my stuttered words and then released me, leaving me some space.

He was smiling sweetly, his eyes darker than his usual colour, but tender.

"We'll have to get used to this somehow – he considered – let's prove each other's strength, shall we? We don't want to spoil everyone's sport, right?" he gestured with his head towards Alice, Jasper and Emmet.

He sat on one of the sunbed, never releasing my eyes, unbuttoned his jeans and took them off with his flip-flops.

His skin sparkled like the sun itself and seemed to send out a sweet, honey scent. I stopped breathing altogether, afraid that I might swoon, which would have been even more frustrating than drowning.

As he stood up, my face fell and he studied my expression most curiously.

"So bad?" he asked me, placing strong hands onto my shoulders.

"Even worse than I thought!" I whispered. He answered with a chuckle, his eyes still in mine.

His hands suddenly moved down my arms, to rest on my waist, where they grabbed my faded t-shirt and pulled it up my shoulders and head.

I lowered my gaze once again, afraid to see disappointment on his face, but he forced me to look at him again. He was smiling, adoringly.

"You are beautiful…beyond all I could ever imagine." His hands were now brushing the hollow of my back, sending shivers all over my body.

I somehow found the strength to unbutton my own shorts and remove them.

"Are you coming in, then?" somebody called to us. Probably Emmet, but I could not be sure: my mind was completely stoned.

Then it all happened in a blink: a naughty expression appeared on Edward's face and I felt him lifting me effortlessly in his arms. I barely had time to register the feeling which this skin to skin contact gave me, when he launched himself towards the swimming-pool, jumping in and dragging me under with him, splashing water everywhere.

"Very smooth, Edward!" Jasper's voice shouted out as we emerged.

"Yeah, sometimes I wonder if he's still a vampire at all!" Emmet added, teasing his brother and shaking his head.

"I knew it! – Alice said quickly swimming towards us – this bikini is made to fit you, Bella! Don't you think so, Edward?"

I saw a flicker of that killing stare which had once upset me during a biology lesson some time before. I was thankful it was not directed to Alice and not to me this time.

Alice swam away giggling wildly.

**EDWARD'S POV**

'_Ok, just keep walking, Edward. Be sensible and walk._' It seemed like I had to remind myself to just put a foot in front of the other, instead of stopping, turn to face Bella and hold her tight until I felt it bearable to let go. As if letting her go in any way could ever be bearable to me…

I felt Bella's heart start beating at a quicker pace and I suddenly realised that I was supposed to be the one to make it better and easier. She had already done her part and accepted a lot. Like the fact that I was a vampire, that I could read minds, that I did not sleep…oh, yes, and that I risked to break her with every move, or worse, to kill her.

No. I would never do that. '_I will never do that! Because I love her…Get a grip, Edward. You can do this!_'

For the very first time in my long life I risked smashing onto something: the sunbeds Alice bought for the occasion.

"So what do you think?" I asked casually, trying very hard not to ask "So what about moving back inside and forgetting the world is turning?" instead.

"Great…" she answered. I got completely distracted by a black-gingery lock of her hair caressing her cheek.

'Dam it, Edward!' I muttered, so that she could not even perceive my lips movements.

I heard Jasper's thoughts calling me out: '_Edward…Edward, please. Try to calm down a bit…You are sending out sparks!_'

Easy for him to say! He could let himself go anytime he felt like it, sure that Alice would never ever dream about saying no. And I was the one who reluctantly HAD to say no here.

Still, I felt Jasper's calming effect act on me immediately.

"You getting in, then? I promise I won't let you drown…or let Emmet try to do you in with one of his silly jokes." Let him try, I hoped! At least I will have something to distract me with…And trying to physically hurt Emmet required a certain amount of focus.

Bella nodded.

'_Edward_ – Alice's amused voice came into my mind – _if you don't want to stand there for the next century, it's better if you take the initiative. Do something!_'

I so will make her pay for this, if it's the last thing I do!

Ok. My shirt, then. I removed it quite slowly, no need to rush. I would have stripped off my jeans as well, had I not heard Bella's heart flutter and her strangled "Ah!".

What if she had forgotten to put on the upper piece of her bikini?

'_Edward! Stop it!_' I blurted out, silently. Being in my own mind was starting to get uncomfortable!

No panic. "Bella? Are you alright?" I asked, genuinely worried.

She did not answer, but I could clearly see her blushing. Oh dear me. Blushing should be made illegal.

"I…yeah…I am ok." Sure, Bella. I can't read your mad head, but I am not silly.

I grabbed her chin and forced her to look at me, but I found her eyes closed and felt her breathing break down a little. My little, scared, sexy kitten.

"Bella? Love, you are scaring me! What's wrong?"

"I…I am not sure this is a good idea." She managed to whisper.

That makes two of us, actually.

What the hell was I thinking? Swimming afternoon…Next time a museum visit and a quiet, lovely, safe conference on deforestation!

"You are not feeling well. I'll bring you back home, now!" If I can…

"No wait! I am ok, I swear…It's just that…it's just…" There goes my determination to do the right thing...

"What? Tell me, please!"

Her answer did not surprise me at all, but it was still painful to see her in such a state. In the same state I was in. I supposed swimming was going to be quite difficult for me too.

"Oh, Bella…" my little, scared, loving, sexy kitten!

I could not physically restraint myself form hugging her, embarrassment or not.

"You delicious girl! I wish I could tell you that this is all unreasonable, that you can't be serious and that this is absurd, but I can't because I am feeling exactly the same way. I have contemplated murdering Alice for what she is doing to us. I am also very much afraid that I won't be able to keep my hands in check."

"I am sure I won't be able to, Edward! I find it hard already when you have your clothes on, let alone when you are gloriously half-naked." I had to smile at this and thanked whatever it was that was looking after me that Bella had not seen Emmet's half-naked body. That would have been scary…

"We'll have to get used to this somehow…let's prove each other's strength, shall we? We don't want to spoil everyone's sport, right?" I couldn't care less about my siblings' sport, but I had to try and bring this little tragedy into perspective.

I sat on the sunbed and stripped off the rest of my clothes and then I stood up, feeling Jasper's good vibrations envelop me again. I made a mental note to thank him later.

Still, it seemed like Bella could not feel any benefit.

"So bad?" I teased.

"Even worse than I thought!"

My hands roamed on her waist, where, without me commanding it, they grabbed and removed the offending faded t-shirt, only to discover her smooth, pale, warm and fragrant skin.

"You are beautiful…beyond all I could ever imagine." And I meant it. She was simply the most stunning sight I had ever enjoyed. Nothing could even get close.

I barely noticed when she removed her shorts: my eyes were trying very hard to tell her how much I loved her and how much it meant for me that she had accepted me in her life so eagerly.

"Are you coming in, then?" somebody called to us. Probably Emmet, but I could not be sure: my mind was completely stoned.

'_No, Edward…_ - Alice's voice entered my thoughts – _don't you dare. Oh, you are such a child!_'

But it was to late for her warning...my mind was set.

I grabbed Bella, as delicately as I could, ignoring the strange pangs in my stomach at the touch of her warm skin on my own and jumped in the pool, hoping very much that it would help extinguishing the fire in my body.

The water did help me a bit, as did my siblings' thought.

'_Great, kid!_' was Emmet's reaction to my silly stunt.

'_He's loosing it!_' was Jasper's enjoyed mental flow. "Very smooth, Edward!" he added loud enough for vampire and human ears to catch.

"Yeah, sometimes I wonder if he's still one of us at all!" Emmet added. Sometimes _I_ wished so bad I weren't.

Alice's approach caught me slightly off guard.

"I knew it! – she teased…the little devil! – This bikini is made to fit you, Bella. Don't you think so, Edward?"

I shoot her a very nasty look, since I was trying very hard not to think about the wretched bikini at all…


	3. Sisterly affection

Once again I want to thank all of those who spend some of their time reading my fluff!  This really is a surprise for me! So thanks. Seriously, guys!

Here's my third chapter. Just Bella's POV this time, but Edward's is almost done, too.

Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice and Emmet: again, not mine.

Read and review if you like. Pretty please? You make my day. Enjoy.

P.S. Thanks to kouga's older woman for the hint ^ ____ ^

**Chapter 3**

**BELLA'S POV**

Water seemed to calm my nerves a bit. Just a bit.

"I asked Emmet to raise the temperature of the pool. The four of us are like icebergs and I am quite positive you don't enjoy freezing…" Edward whispered, carefully placing his hands around my waist.

I knew I should have shivered at his cold touch, seriously, but the electrifying feeling was much closer to a lava flow being spilt onto me.

"By the way, this bikini really looks great on you!" he said, his golden eyes inviting.

Time stopped: all I wanted was to prove him that all I ever felt great on me were his lips, but I was sure this might have crushed my already weak self-control, so I decided to attack him in a different way instead and started squirting water onto his beautiful face.

Sometimes the fact that he could not read my mind was helpful, because I caught him of guard.

"You…little…cheater!" he shouted out, laughing, as I swam away. "You want war, then? As you wish!". And with that he started splashing me stoutly and for some time Forks' weather seemed to have returned to its normal torrential rains.

We spent some time splashing around and teasing each other until Jasper, Alice and Emmet joined and it really became a mayhem.

"You don't want to be the only one having fun, do ya?" Emmet blurted out, all of a sudden, jumping at Edward's throat and trying very hard to push him under. Jasper did not lose the chance to help. Edward struggled briefly and then dived.

The rest I could actually not make out at all, because their moves became so fast that my useless eyes had no chance to perceive. I only saw Jasper and Emmet disappear underwater as well and then some foam.

Thank God I knew they were only joking or I'd have felt conscious. Jasper and Emmet were not good opponents in a fight. Edward had often mentioned how glad he was that they were 'on our side'.

"And you think they'd start behaving their age at some point…" Alice said, shaking her head and startling me.

"Yeah…well, it's hard to believe Edward is actually 80 years older than I am!" I agreed.

"Boys will be boys – she shook her head again, watching the troubled water, in a sweet way – but we love them anyway, don't we?"

"We do…" I confirmed. And I did love that childlike vampire more than my own life.

"Alice, do you mind if I ask…" I hesitated for a moment.

"What, Bella? Hey, you know you can ask me anything, right?" she encouraged me.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but promise me you will be careful and not think about this conversation when Edward's around. Please…" I knew this was going to be complicated.

Edward really seemed to be a bit too busy trying to get the better of his brothers to be paying proper attention to me and Alice, but still, you could never know.

"Is it difficult for you and Jasper… – I started again, trying to sound relaxed - Well…when you are close or alone not to…oh, darn!" I miserably failed at my attempt to be calm. Why did I have to be so utterly ridiculous? It was a very normal instinct, after all (at least as human standards went)! At least that's what I had heard, never having experienced anything of the sort before.

Alice started laughing softly. "Oh, Bella! Of course it's difficult, you silly girl! The fact that we are not so flamboyant about it as Em and Rose doesn't make it easy. We live in a house full of vampires with extra-developed senses, which makes it almost impossible to be private about it! Not that it was easier when it was just me and him…I still remember the agony we went through before getting married." She shook her head, but her smile was sweet and slightly embarrassed. Seeing Alice so vulnerable was a first, but it helped me relax a little. And for real this time.

"Really?" I sounded relieved and Alice couldn't help laughing again.

"Oh, yes. He was even worse than Edward when it came to being old-fashioned…The first time we kissed he thought I would slap him for disrespecting me! He was so ashamed of himself."

It was difficult for me to think about Alice and especially Jasper this way, but it was evident that they simply hung on each other's words. Being apart was as excruciating for them as it was for me and Edward. Even now, after so many years together.

"I know what Edward thinks about this, Bella, but you have to believe him when he says he's restraining himself only to protect you. He's in earnest." She looked at me, her eyes set.

"I know…I know, it's just that sometimes it simply gets so frustrating. I fell like I am the only one in such a misery, even if he assured me he feels just like me… - I was almost whining in misery, now – But I know he would never hurt me…" I added, closing my eyes.

"No, he would never hurt you, Bella. But you know Edward's life-motto concerning you: 'Better safe than sorry'!" she said, imitating her brother so genuinely that I couldn't help laughing. She joined me and it was some time before we stopped giggling.

Alice found her voice back first. "I think Edward liked your outfit, though." Alice's voice was innocent, but I knew better.

"As if you had not seen this! – I said, grinning - Alice, you know I love you and you truly are a sister to me, but please, don't push this poor human and your brother to the edge, uh?" I pleaded.

"Hey, this is not pushing it to the edge! I am offended you think so…If I had forced you to try on all that sexy lingerie I tried on the other day at Victoria's Secret and then sent him the image, now THAT would be pushing him to the edge!"

I might have imagined it, but I thought I heard a faint moan coming from the exact spot where the three guys were now assembled, playing ball and talking quietly.

Oh. No. How worse could this get?

"Alice, you didn't!" I growled through my teeth.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist! He won't be mad, though, don't worry…but that image will stuck with him. I'll have to remember that for later!" she flashed one of her impish smiles, almost talking to herself.

"Oh, Alice…" I said, an exasperated tone in my voice "What am I going to do with you!?"

"Thanks are in order! Believe me!" she was simply beaming at me now.

"Emmet! – she called out – Rose will be back in five minutes. She bought you a present. And Esme wants a chat with me and Jasper! Edward, Bella, you can stay as long as you want, of course! Charlie won't be home till late!" she blinked at me and swam out of the pool, followed by Jasper and Emmet.

And I, I was left alone with the most fantastic creature that ever blessed Earth.

"Thanks, Alice!" I murmured, unsure whether I felt more annoyed at her plotting or grateful for having such a wonderful sister!


	4. Brotherly chat

Just three words: thanks, thanks, thanks…

Here's Edward's point of view, as promised…

Hope you like it: I do love Edward and Jasper a lot and therefore I like the idea of having them chat a little bit! Emmet's in the way, but he's fun too, so… 

Enjoy and PLEASE review! That really is cool. You have no idea! It's very helpful too.

**Chapter 4**

**EDWARD'S POV**

Being caressed by warm water did nothing good to calm my nerves. I had specifically asked Emmet to turn the temperature of the pool up, just knowing that this would be best for Bella.

"I am not very sure warmth will help much, though, Edward…" Jasper had told me that morning, while Emmet was actually checking the water.

"Why not?" I had asked. I was definitely losing every ounce of common sense.

I read my answer in his mind. '_It's cold water you want to…ehm…calm boiling spirits, you know. She's only human and definitely not as used to self-control as we are. She seems pretty absorbed in you_.'

"I had not really considered that… - Oh my! – I simply didn't want her to freeze…she is sensitive to the cold."

"Why doesn't that surprise me? Look at her boyfriend! Don't worry…I'll watch over you!" He added, an impish smirk on his face. Sometimes he simply looked and sounded so much like Alice. Must be this soul-mates matter.

Still, it seemed like Bella at least was enjoying my kind initiative. For a fleeting second, as it had happened just minutes before with that playful sunray, I felt jealous of the hot water wrapping her delicate body tenderly. I wanted to be the one to do it; I wanted to be the one warming her. And I was exactly the last one who could.

I tried to calm down on my own, since Jasper seemed to be quite absorbed in Alice, the hypocrite!

My attempt to get a grip failed miserably as soon as my hands, always without my permission, grabbed her waist. Compared to her silken, bare, burning skin, water seemed like ice, even to me. It apparently froze my brain as well, because the most unfortunate (and yet true) sentence ever came out of my mouth. "By the way, this bikini really looks great on you!"

'WHAT? _YOU IDIOT, SELFISH, INCOHERENT VAMPIRE_!' I screamed at myself, hoping that my brain would defrost in time to avoid disaster.

It didn't, of course, bur Bella provided safety splashing water onto my face, which gave me an excuse to simply 'attack' her back and forget about awkwardness and bikinis for a bit.

My siblings' joining in was a relief. I felt a deep rush of affection for all of them; for saving Bella and me from myself.

"You don't want to be the only one having fun, do ya?" Emmet shouted, mentally adding: '_You'll have your own fun afterwards!_' Jerk!

He then tried to start a fight, pushing me under. How many times did I have to go through this, before he understood that there was no way he could possibly beat me? I had to give it to him: he was determined.

'_Fair fight, bro! Damn psychic!_' he thought, his frustration mounting. I dragged him under easily. Doing the same with Jasper, took me quite some time, though. Jasper was another thing altogether. Emmet was strong, but he fought using his instinct and that only. Jasper was not only the strongest fighter of us, he was clever and in total control of tactics. Being able to read his next moves only gave me relative advantage. Never enough to beat him, anyway. Our fights were always called a draw by Carlisle or Alice.

I do not know how long we kept on playing around, but I felt considerably calmer by the time we resurfaced, laughing like ten-year-olds.

"I hate you two! - Emmet blurted out - One can read all my moves and the other one simply makes me feel all sleepy, when I tackle him. You are two big, fat killjoys! In a fair fight I'd kick both your asses big time!"

"Sure thing, Em! - Jasper said, with his best shot at sarcasm – To be true, I thought Edward would be an easy prey for us today, in the state he's in!" he chuckled, looking at me.

"This is not funny, Jazz! I…"

"No it's not! It's hilarious. – Emmet interrupted me, giggling - You should have seen your face before! It looked like you were about to throw up...Honestly, Edward, give up and let the chips fall! I don't understand why you put yourself in such a misery!"

"And I don't understand why I delude myself in hoping you'll start using your brain sometime!" I said.

"Touchy-touchy, uh?" Emmet started, playing with the ball on his own.

"Well, Em. We might not be the best judges for this. Think how it would be if you could not touch Rose…" Jasper interceded. All of a sudden he was my favourite brother.

Emmet seemed to be struggling to find an answer, but then he remained silent and somehow thoughtful. He started throwing the ball in the air, absent-mindedly.

I could read what was passing through his mind, though '_I think I'd go mad if I couldn't be with Rose…maybe she wouldn't mind that much, though. Last time…_'

"Exactly, Emmet. – I said, interrupting his train of thought, before it could get embarrassing – And she would mind, believe me. It's quite disturbing being around you, guys, when you are in the mood!"

It really was: it made me feel like running, no, flying to Bella and…

But I could not. I would not let my lust prevail over my love, over her safety. I owed it to Bella. I owed her my privation, my strength. I owed her this and more, because I loved her. "What if I fall…I don't want to hurt her." I said in a whisper, more to myself than to my two brothers, who sure enough heard me.

"You are really having a hard time, aren't you?" Emmet's voice had changed completely. It seemed that now he really understood what I was going through. '_I see now, but you chose her…This is the price to pay, bro._' he thought. He threw the ball in the air one more time.

"It's a price I am willing to pay, Emmet, really, but this makes her deeply unhappy. I hate not giving her what she wants! And I hate that I want it too, when I shouldn't. She even thinks I don't find her attracting at all. It's ridiculous!" I was almost whining now. And for the second time in minutes, I felt like a whimsical ten-year-old.

"Edward…Nobody in their right mind would doubt you find her attracting. You barely get your eyes off her. It's a physical pain for you to be apart from her. I feel it, you know." Jasper took the ball out of Emmet's hands.

"Well, she's not exactly right in her mind, that girl. So that explains why she doubts you, Ed!" Emmet added, trying to make the situation lighter. He could not endure emotional storms for long.

I couldn't help laughing at this. My Bella was definitely 'unusual'.

'_Edward..._' Alice's mind called out to me.

"Ah!" I moaned, as soon as I connected to her. My mind was suddenly bombarded by images of my own Bella, wearing nothing else but alluring lingerie. I felt the pain, the pang in my stomach, my hands forming fists and my head spinning. My throat went dry and not out of blood-thirst. My eyes were shut.

"Hey, Edward! – Jasper shouted out, worriedly, shaking me – Edward! What is it?! You are scaring me!"

"Ah! Ask your little devil of a wife, Jazz!" I couldn't explain further.

"What has she done this time?" Jasper asked, smiling knowingly and shaking his head.

"She's being naughty, I bet." Emmet said, his face confused. I knew how he hated when we 'psychics' communicated, letting the rest of the world out.

"You win again, Emmet. You are lucky with bets today…" I joked.

"Emmet! – Alice called out, for everyone to hear – Rose will be back in five minutes. She bought you a present. And Esme wants a chat with me and Jasper! Edward, Bella, you can stay as long as you want, of course! Charlie won't be home till late!"

This she also thought for me '_Sorry, Edward. I couldn't resist…don't worry, you'll be good today! Just let her breathe and let yourself go a little bit._"

I watched her face, as she exited the pool. I could not been mad at Alice, even if I had wanted. She loved Bella too, after all. If she said I would not hurt her today, then I had to believe her. But I knew I was about to hurt Bella again somehow, by refusing her what she wanted. My mind was set: too dangerous.

Emmet and Jasper were already out of the water too, their thought bent towards their mates, while they dried themselves.

'_I just hope they'll sort this out…it must really suck! I so want to see my Rose!_' Emmet was thinking.

Jasper winked at me, before following Alice in the house, his thoughts quite similar to Emmet's now.

I was lucky to have such a weird family, I told myself.

Lucky and also madly in love with the girl now looking straight at me with her deep, chocolate eyes, half embarrassed and half terrified…


	5. You promised

Writing has always been a secret pleasure for me; never before have I shared my own words. This was a huge step, really.

It's never easy to put your 'work' to people's judgement, but it's thrilling nonetheless and YOU, yes you, reading this right now are the one who is making this special!

This is the last chapter of my first story. I am conscious that there are infinite twists I could have introduced, but that's how it came out.

I have started another story, concerning Jasper especially this time, which I hope to post soon.

For now: THANK YOU!!!

Read and review…enjoy! 

**Chapter 5**

**BELLA'S POV**

Ok. No panic. I have been alone with Edward before. I have spent many nights with him laying by my side on my bed, caressing my head and kissing my jaw. This cannot be so different…

I tried to calm down, but nothing seemed to work. At all.

True, I spent most of my time alone with Edward, but he had never been half-naked and I had never felt the urge to rush to him and kiss away every single drop of water caressing his face, his body...

"Hello…" he whispered, slowly swimming towards me. He looked like one of those models ready to shoot a perfume commercial.

"I missed you!" I said. I had never spoken truer words. Having him near me, but not near enough to smell his scent or to touch his face, was pure agony. Every Edward-free second was a waste of time to me.

"I wasn't very far away, you know? Just being drowned by Jasper and Em…" his eyes were melted gold, his smile sweet. I felt myself lost.

"Yeah, but I was starting to feel a bit too warm without my favourite iceberg!" I teased. Honestly, having him closer made me literally boil, rather than cool down.

He put his arms around my waist once more. I could have died right there and it would have been fine by me.

"Better?" he asked, his voice like lush velvet.

"Not really…" I moved closer to him, letting my hands slide onto his strong shoulders. He caressed my back ever so lightly, making me shiver of pure pleasure.

Then he cancelled the space between our two bodies in a second, holding me close to him. I could feel every muscle, every single movement and his irregular breath tickling my neck. I leaned my head onto his left shoulder and breathed in, only to get dizzier.

"And now?" he asked in a whisper.

I could not answer his question. I was too afraid that he would let go.

We stood silent for too short a time and then he spoke, without releasing me. "I am sorry about Alice, really…She's overenthusiastic at the idea of acquiring another sister to spoil."

"And to use as a mannequin!" I added.

Edward chuckled.

I shivered, but in truth I felt dangerously close to self-combustion. The last three weeks before our wedding could never pass quickly enough.

"You are shivering, love! I am sorry…" he said, moving away and staring into my eyes. The sudden absence of his skin on mine felt like a slap.

"I am not cold…" I managed to whisper, somehow.

"Oh, Bella…" he moaned.

I barely had time to breathe before his lips crushed on mine with a new fire. Nothing mattered anymore. The world disappeared around us. I was in a bubble, in my perfect bubble.

Only, in my prefect bubble he would not be pulling away like this again and gently grabbing my face in his cold hands.

"Edward, please!" I moaned, closing my eyes and refusing to acknowledge another refusal.

He brushed his fingers onto my cheeks and then grabbed my hands, still entwined behind his neck.

"Bella…Bella, love, look at me, I beg you!" He insisted, his voice sweet and pleading, his breath still uneven.

"No! No, I don't want to. I already know what you are about to say! _'We can't; it's dangerous; you don't understand…'_" I did not want to hear that again. I was on the verge of tears.

"Bella, – Edward spoke with difficulty, and for once I felt him waver and plead – please…You've got to help me."

What? Edward had never asked me something like that before. He needed MY HELP? This was a first: I was the silly, helpless, troublemaker human. I was the one who usually needed help. Not him, not my strong, patient, immortal, awesome vampire of a boyfriend.

I opened my eyes, warily. He was watching me, as if it pained him to.

"Edward, what…I…" I did not know what to make of it.

"You really have no idea, do you? You seriously do believe this does not affect me?" he asked, gesturing to my body, his voice just a tad more controlled than before.

He shook his head and continued. "Bella, do you think it pleases me to say 'no', whenever you get too close? Don't you think I am always on the verge of throwing all caution away? Uh? Do you think it's something I do just out of fear rather than out of love?"

"No…" I whispered.

"Bella, watching your face when I pull away from you is a punch in the stomach. But I'd rather feel this way than risk hurting you. I need you to believe that there is a serious possibility it will happen. As much as you seem to forget it, love, I AM stronger than what I seem and I AM dangerous."

"You promised we would try…" I replied quickly, afraid that he would take back his word.

"I did. And you promised you'd be patient and wait until after the marriage."

"This is ridiculous, Edward. What is the difference? I'll be just like I am now, in three weeks. Not stronger or less breakable than now! - It was my turn to moan and plead, now – You promised…"

"I did and I will hold to that, because I am crumbling down, here…But please, I need to show myself I am strong enough to say 'no' or to stop if I have to…Please, help me protecting you."

How could _I_ ever refuse him anything I had no idea. But if this was really making things more difficult for him, then I had to try and be good for now. I would do this as my secret, personal wedding gift for him. I would follow the rules.

He had always tried to make life as easy as possible for me, no matter how much pain this could cause him, and now it seemed only fair to be the patient one and do what I could.

"Ok, ok, I'll be good. – he eyed me suspiciously – I swear, no lie. I will be good. I will not tease you…no more than necessary, I mean."

He chuckled and kissed my forehead, lingering there, as if the touch of his lips onto my head could help him read my mind.

"Thanks…No more swimming pool parties, then, ok?"

"Why not?" I asked. I wanted to hear this.

"Because I love you and I know what's good for you!" he stated, a fake patronizing tone in his voice.

"Pity Alice doesn't!" I added, chuckling.

"Oh, no. She has a fair idea about what is good for you, too! Trust me. This bikini goes straight into your wedding hope chest!"

"Will I need it on our honey-moon, maybe?" I asked, casually, hoping to worm the secret destination out of him.

"Maybe…" he answered, cautious as ever.

"Damn…I was hoping clothes would only be a hindrance there!" I teased, swimming away and getting out of the water. I turned towards him, holding a pose long enough for him to admire me.

He sighed as he came out of the pool and wrapped me tenderly in a warm towel. "We'll see... – he replied – Just three more weeks…" and he kissed the tip of my nose.

Three weeks. Ugh, they would never pass quickly enough…but after all, what were three weeks compared to the eternity I would be living and enjoying with him?

Yes, I could do this. I could be good. For him. For us.

**EDWARD'S POV**

All of a sudden, being on my own in the damn pool with my Bella, I realised that Jasper's remark on warm water was not entirely stupid. I felt my body go tense and warmer than usual, but I could not help swimming towards her. Ever since I had met her, she had somehow become my personal sun; someone I naturally gravitated around. Jasper called her my 'magnetic pole'. And he was absolutely right, of course.

"Hello!" I said, trying to start the conversation as easily and lightly as possible. I was not in the right state of mind to speak about serious things.

"I missed you!" she replied. I loved those words. They made me feel right, somehow.

"I wasn't far away, you know? Just being drowned by Jasper and Em…" for a second, I resented the time with her that my brothers had stolen from me.

"Yeah, but I was starting to feel a bit too warm without my favourite iceberg." I wondered if she would somehow perceive the blissful warmth forming in my body or if I would feel just as cold as usual.

Unable to keep at distance much longer, I slowly moved closer, resting my hands onto her waist.

"Better?" I teased. How could such a simple gesture be so wrong and feel so right?

"Not really…" I felt her hands roam onto my shoulders and my body get even stiffer, as soon as the space between our two bodies vanished.

This was heaven. I knew I was not supposed to experience heaven, but Bella really was my heaven on Earth and as long as she was with me, I did not care if hell was waiting to claim me afterwards.

"And now?" I asked in a whisper, trying very hard not to crush her little frame in my hug.

She did not answer, but held me as if her life depended on that hug, more intimate than anything we had ever shared before.

After too short a time, I forced myself to say something, without letting her go. "I am sorry about Alice, really…She's overenthusiastic at the idea of acquiring another sister to spoil." That seemed like an innocent enough thing to say.

"And to use as a mannequin!" she added. I chuckled lightly, always wonderfully aware of the treasure I was holding in my arms. A treasure that soon started to shiver. I had to know this would happen. "You are shivering, love! I am sorry…" I moved away, ever so slowly and reluctantly.

"I am not cold…" she whispered, while her heart quickened its already excited rhythm.

That was all I needed to lose it all. So much for my self-control.

"Oh, Bella…" I whispered, before kissing her fiercely.

She reacted immediately, entangling her hands in my hair and tasting me with her warm lips and tongue, as if I was fresh water and she had not drunk in ages.

I felt so close to give in. I wanted to. Nothing mattered anymore, but what she was doing to me; what she surely wanted to do to me. And what I wanted to do to her. I felt powerful, greedy. I felt dangerous.

The thought flashed in my mind like a lightning, disgusting me. I had to pull away. Now. I don't know how I managed to do it, which secret strength allowed me to physically remove my lips from hers, but I did, waiting for her frustration to wash over me and punish me for my weakness.

"Edward, please!" Every time these words seemed worse. I hated them and I hated myself for forcing them out of her mouth.

I tried to soothe her, still gutted.

"Bella…Bella, love, look at me, I beg you!" How could I make her understand, without hurting her again and again?

"No! No, I don't want to. I already know what you are about to say! _'We can't; it's dangerous; you don't understand…'_" Listening my words uttered by her like that made me feel even more disgusted at myself. Thank God her eyes were closed.

"Bella, please…You've got to help me." And I seriously needed her help in this. I was not going to be strong enough for both of us. I couldn't.

She opened her eyes, which looked confused, worried, hurt, helpless and also full of tears.

"You really have no idea, do you? You seriously do believe this does not affect me? - How could she even think something like that? Let alone believe it to be true! - Bella, do you think it pleases me to say 'no', whenever you get too close? Don't you think I am always on the verge of throwing all caution away? Uh? Do you think it's something I do just out of fear rather than out of love?"

"No…" her voice was weak.

"Bella, watching your face when I pull away from you is a punch in the stomach. But I'd rather feel this way than risk hurting you. I need you to believe that there is a serious possibility it will happen. As much as you seem to forget it, love, I AM stronger than what I seem and I AM dangerous." Could I ever scare her into believing it? No, I wasn't brave enough to do that. I loved her too much, but above all, I couldn't even consider losing her.

"You promised we would try…" she reminded me.

I had not forgotten that wretched promise. "I did. And you promised you'd be patient and wait until after the marriage."

"This is ridiculous, Edward. What is the difference? I'll be just like I am now, in three weeks. Not stronger or less breakable than now! You promised…"

She was perfectly right of course. But I had three more weeks and I was determined I would use them all to do whatever could help me when the time for fulfilling my promise would come.

"I did and I will hold to that, because I am crumbling down, here…But please, I need to show myself I am strong enough to say 'no' or to stop if I have to…Please, help me protect you as much as I can."

She seemed to consider that. She frowned and the her face relaxed slightly as if the battle in her head was finally over.

"Ok, ok, I'll be good. – she said, but I had already heard the same words before – I swear, no lie. I will be good. I will not tease you…no more than necessary, I mean."

I decided to believe her and to set the example I kissed her forehead, to show that I was already on my best behaviour (lingering there more than necessary, maybe). "Thanks…No more swimming pool parties, then, ok?" I said, at last.

"Why not?" What question was that? Her question always surprised me a little, so I decided to play along.

"Because I love you and I know what's good for you!" '_Do I? Then why am I still your boyfriend? Oh, drop it, Edward, trying to leave her for her own sake is a battle you lost long ago!_'

"Pity Alice doesn't!"

"Oh, no. She has a fair idea about what is good for you, too! Trust me. This bikini goes straight into your wedding hope chest!" I seriously loved that bikini.

"Will I need it on our honey-moon, maybe?" Even in such a moment, Bella's mind remained quite focused, but not enough to have me spill the beans. Nope, no way, love!

"Maybe…" I answered.

"Damn…I was hoping clothes would only be an hindrance there!"

As usual she caught me completely off guard and unprepared, as she got off the pool, letting me admire her luscious body for a while.

'_Three more weeks!_ – I repeated in my mind, following her – _Just three more weeks, Ed!_'

I wrapped her in my towel, trying to warm and dry her a bit. "We'll see...Just three more weeks…" I said, kissing her nose.

To think that three weeks usually seemed like a second for an immortal...To think that I was so patient and cautious once.

Before Bella, that is. Before starting to live again.

THE END


End file.
